update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Randomize
