In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
