I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
