I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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