I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
