I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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