the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
