Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
