He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
