soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
