It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
