He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We need to get me chipped asap
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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