Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
