if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
