Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
