shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
