She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
