i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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