Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize