like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
