I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
