i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have post one night stand depression
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
