Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
