I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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