So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
