We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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