Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize