Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize