If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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