Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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