Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
