Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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