i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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