I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
