i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
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Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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