Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
