party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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