I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
