i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
