he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
