I cannot find my penis.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
