its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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