Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
