he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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