When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
