Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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