Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
