Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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