Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just tell him i said nine months
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
