Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
