so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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