We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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