I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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