if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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