when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
