There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
50% drunk capacity currently
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
