I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
