My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
