I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
