Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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