Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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