how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You are the jesus of drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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