You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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