Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
