He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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