Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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