if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
