I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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